Over a Year Later...
I announced my hiatus from blogging and content creation in the spring of last year. A lot has shifted in my life since that point. The decision to step back was honestly a long time coming. I’ve been charging forward since the inception of my column in 2015 and I was emotionally exasperated. I’d been discouraged for so long because everything I did: every piece of published content, graphic, Instagram post, every strategy, had failed. It all failed to project me into this vision I had for myself. One that I watch almost all of my mutuals live in real-time. The vision of a break that’s major enough to whisk me away from home and Customer Service.
As I created, I started growing tired of prioritizing and pouring love into something that wasn’t loving me back- in the way that I wanted it to. I could no longer hold out for the dream come true. I had to return to the real world and face what else was there for me.
I decided to become a student again. My manager, at that time, and I sat down for a 1-on-1. In that 1-on-1, we discussed what professional growth looked like for me. I was still fully committed to being ‘thee I-T-G-I-R-L Advice Columnist’ so I had little idea. But because I felt shame in not having a solid “plan” for my life, I coughed up the idea of being in Human Resources. I’d only entertained this idea long enough to fill out this “action plan” given to me days before our meeting. But the more I thought about it after our conversation, the more it made sense. Who am I if not a resource for people in need? An advocate for those who need someone to hear them and provide comfort and resolution? It’s who I am at my core and that’s where all roads lead. So, I studied for five months, sipping caramel lattes in Georgetown cafes and nibbling on the occasional chocolate croissant to satisfy my chocolate cravings. Providing the sugar boost needed to stay vertical 4 hours deep into the small text on my computer screen. Don’t we love the intellectual aesthetic? That November I successfully passed my certification exam. To my surprise honestly, because once I saw math on the screen, I just knew I was doomed. Only a few months later I was off to a new company to start my new career.
The extension of this break surpassed the time it took to complete my certification and find and start a new job. I was honoring the part of myself that had been burned out for a while. The part of me that longed to break and had been toying with the idea of quitting altogether. I was liberated.
Speaking of aesthetics, I could finally use my Instagram like a normal person again! I love lavender, but the girl needed a break. Curating a coordinated Instagram feed is exhausting for no reason. During this year I started to question the point of all of this. The algorithms, curated feeds, and overthinking every caption because of the pressure to say something captivating when all I want to really say is “Look at this picture that I love”.
It’s taken me so long to write and make this comeback. I enjoyed my time detached from my column, and brand, creating things, developing independently, and growing as Kiera. I’ve enjoyed being able to hang with my friends and do absolutely nothing. I’d nap or watch movies and binge television without the pressure or guilt of spending time doing the “wrong” thing. Thinking, “I should be doing something productive.” Productivity rebranded itself as reading gothic thriller novels, concerts, taking myself on dates, people-watching, happy hours, and working out (on occasion).
Throughout this time, I did have a reoccurring thought… “Maybe I don’t need to have a column anymore”. I’m enjoying myself way too much apart from it. “Who’s going to question me?” No one can demand I return: write or answer dilemmas. Who’s really going to miss me? But truthfully, I would be that person questioning me and demanding I come back. I would miss this version of myself. I’d feel like a loser and there are several people who would miss me. So, here I am writing again. Sharing my thoughts and myself, with y’all again. The very foundation of my column is being an outlet to express myself. It’s selfish to hold onto thoughts and content that could be helpful to someone. All there needs to be is one person and my job is complete, purpose fulfilled, and desire satisfied.
Social media would lead you to believe that once you step into the realm of creator, brand, influencer, etc. you’ve signed a contract that binds you to that way of life forever when in reality, you can have a full-time corporate profession while fulfilling my desire to create, connect, and share. It’s always the opposite. You hear in interviews and podcasts the stories of the miserable corporate baddie who up and quit her 9-5 and dove headfirst into YouTube to begin her career as an Influencer. The success stories and glamour. But what about those of us who prefer the stability and security of that “desk job”? Those of us who feel more comfortable with the routine and certainty. Those of us who want only to put our feet in the water for a bit from time to time? I never felt a sense of fulfillment from my past jobs. I thought I would only be fulfilled within my dream of being an advice columnist, but that has since changed. My passion for counseling, personal development, coaching, and conflict resolution can be achieved by working in the Employee Relations side of HR.
And there lies my new perspective.
Maybe my column doesn’t have to be the focal point of my life. Perhaps it isn’t supposed to be. That doesn’t make it any less significant. It doesn’t make me any less devoted. I may actually enjoy creating more now that I’m no longer reliant on a career as a Columnist to support me financially.
Desperation had made me blind to the success I’ve already achieved over the years. I’ve shared my advice with up to a thousand people after all of these years. Imagine feeling like a failure after an achievement as grand as that. I was measuring myself unfairly and improperly. Social media status is the wrong metric to use. Success redefined or accurately measured, is me fulfilling my mission of supporting those in need and being present in the lives of those who may not have anyone else.
In this era, I have the luxury to run purely off of passion instead of desperation.
